Hello friends, why do women need boundaries? Because we need to decide what is or isn’t acceptable to us, which will result in being our happiest most authentic self. Not a version of ourselves that is a result of someone else’s disrespect. Healthy boundaries are important. While I can admit I’m a “people pleaser”, I respect that my life is lived in service of my calling. So is yours, whatever it may be. But, there are some boundaries I need to tend to. So don’t miss out on being your authentic self because your boundaries aren’t in place. Do you Remember when I had a “Ban on Sorry? HERE” or when I told you to be a muffin? HERE or When I suggested you do what makes you happy? HERE .These are all ways to help you live a wonderful life. But without boundaries will it be as wonderful?
My darling friend Marla Martenson, is here today as my guest, I invited her to explain why women need boundaries. Marla my blog is yours. (smile)
Personal share…
Flash back to the early 80’s. I was living in West Hollywood, working as a hostess in a restaurant and going on auditions for TV commercials and doing some modeling.
It was my childhood dream to leave my small town outside of Seattle & move to LA to become an actress.
So, I did it, I was there…I was going for it…YES!!!
But there was a chink in my rainbow…
The boyfriend I had at the time, (let’s call him Logan) was a classic narcissist. I had never heard the term back then and knew nothing about it.
But what I did know was that at every turn he attempted to sabotage me, my excitement, my joy and accomplishments. Sabotaging my auditions by starting an argument before I left the house so I would be crying, or turning off the answering machine so I would miss calls from my agent, were just a couple of tactics he used.
Logan put down my interests, my friends, my taste in music, my cooking… when I got home, he accused me of not being at my acting class or the gym. With an ominous tone and scowl, he’d say, “I drove by your class, your car wasn’t there, where were you really?” I now know that is called “gaslighting“.
I was confused, depressed, saddened, frustrated and angry. I had no idea what boundaries were, the fact that I was co-dependent and that if I chose myself, my dignity and respect, I could have navigated myself out of the abuse.
Finally, 4 years later, after literally being kicked and a hospital visit to stitch up my hand that was sliced open from banging on the window pane of the door (after he locked me out of the house at midnight)… I packed my things and left.
Sadly, for many years, I repeated the pattern. I continued to choose the same man, only in a different pair of pants. Until…. I learned how to set clear boundaries, clear co-dependence, and choose me!
Did you know that one of the biggest myths is that other people cross our boundaries?
The truth is that your boundaries are between you and you and it’s not anyone else’s job to uphold them. So, if your boundaries are being crossed, you’re the one crossing them.
If you’ve been waiting for someone else to respect your boundary, you can instead ask yourself how you’ve been allowing others to cross the line around what’s unacceptable and intolerable for you.
Common misconceptions on setting boundaries:
- Boundaries cause conflict
- Boundaries are hard to set and keep
- No one will listen or pay attention
- Boundaries are selfish
- If I set a boundary, no one will like me
What has Boundary Avoidance Cost You?
- Having your needs unmet
- Time, energy
- Your voice
- Deep, intimate relationships
- Hours committed to others’ dreams
- Feeling guilty, shame or less than
- Feeling resentful
If you are ready to feel more confident and start calling the shots in your life, it all starts with setting your first boundary…
If you aren’t getting what you want out of your life, setting boundaries has the potential to be a game changer for you.
Our boundaries are all about who we are and what we want and need. Boundaries help us feel our best and make it possible for us to live the life we most desire. If you want to experience more joy and excitement in your life it all begins with boundaries.
How Do You Know If You Need To Set Boundaries?
Here are some scenarios I have heard from clients:
- Your neighbor plays music or their TV extremely loud disrupting your sleep.
- Your boss expects you to work overtime without prior notice or extra pay.
- Your significant other leaves dirty dishes in the sink for you to clean up.
- Your partner regularly puts you down and says that you’re too sensitive if you express that you feel hurt.
If you are a woman longing to break your old patterns, learn to set strong boundaries and leap into an empowered and joyful 2022, learn more about Boundaries at my upcoming FREE class on how to become a Boundary Badass! Wednesday March 2nd at 4pm PST/7 PM Eastern Sign up for the class: HERE
****Bonus for the readers of Katherine’s Corner who sign up for the 12 week program, two 30 minute 1-1 sessions with me, Boundary Badass Coach, Marla Martenson, to use at any time at your discretion.
Listen to my podcast on setting boundaries: https://tinyurl.com/mry4mmb2
If you are ready to dive in and make that transformation, my upcoming group coaching program, Become A Boundary Badass, a twelve -week total transformation, is starting Wednesday, March 30th 4 PM Pacific/7 PM Eastern. Sign up here: https://www.marlamartenson.com/boundary-coaching
Thank you Katherine, for sharing your blog with me.
Love & Blessings, Marla
Marla Martenson is a Transformational Life Coach, Matchmaker, Energy Healer & Intuitive Reader. She has been using her intuitive skills to connect singles with their soulmates and coach them to success for two decades. Marla also hosts a podcast called, The Mystical Matchmaker.
Marla has been featured on The Today Show, WGN Chicago Morning News, Beyond Belief on Gaia TV, and hundreds of radio shows including Coast to Coast AM with George Noory & Fade2Black.
Thank you Marla, for your friendship and for being my guest today.
Is this something you’d like to work on? Please share your thoughts in the comments xo
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Because of a higher emotional intelligence than men, women tend to be better at emotional empathy, that fosters rapport and chemistry. Thus, we want to be successful, not just at work, but in life.
The higher emotional quotient also means that emotional self-control is not as high.
Therefore, by the time we wake up from a ‘stupor’ and realize we should have set boundaries (prior), especially with loved ones, it’s an emotional toil to switch back to tough love and take the necessary action to protect ourselves.
What a catch-22?
H Emma
Thanks for hosting my guest post Katie xo
Your welcome my friend. I know what you have to offer is definitely worth featuring. xo
I love this topic! I feel I’m always trying to keep up with what I think I should do and not what is best for me:
This is so true my fried. I think Marla can help xo